Goat Simulator

Goat Simulator

85 Achievements

2,375

12-17h

Xbox One
Xbox Series
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Retirement

Retirement

Just finish that one LAST job.

15

0.46%

How to unlock the Retirement achievement in Goat Simulator - Definitive Guide

You must do all of the quests in the BAAA machine in order to earn this achievement.

1. Chocolate Factory. You will need to head over by the pirate ship and get a bag of "chocolate" from the vendor. Go across the street, light it on fire, then place it on the nearby doorstep.

2. Drill for Cheese. You will first have to find the security building that the tracker shows you. Go inside through the revolving door (seriously irritating) and find the vault. Then leave and find a drill. Come back, drill the door to find another door. Leave and find another drill and go back and drill this door. Find yet a third door, leave, get a drill, go back and drill the third door. Inside the vault you will find a rocket launcher modifier and a grilled cheese sandwich.

3. Mess with the police. Go to the police station and hop up on the building and knock the doughnut sign down.

4. Cops and robbers. Go to the bank and lick a bank robber. Drag him across the street to the building with a bunch of open doors and drag him into a cell.

5. Flippin Burgs. Go to the hamburger joint. Behind the burger joint you will find a couple of trash cans and a bag of trash. Lick the bag of trash, hop on the roof and drop it into the glowing pipe. Then go inside to the burger you should have seen being made and lick one. Take it to an NPC.

6. Make cops fly. Across from the bank is a hot air balloon. Lick a cop, take him to the hot air balloon. He should automatically be attached to the balloon but you will need to release him with cn_X . There are some buildings right next to you on the same side of the street. Behind the building in an alley of sorts in the back corner are a couple of cannisters. Lick one and drag it to the balloon.

7. Catastrophe. Behind a couple of buildings by the railroad tracks are some shacks. They have signs about how much they love pussy. Lick and drag 3 cats to these shacks. This will unlock a temple in the desert and going in the temple will give you a very annoying cat mod that doesn't seem to go away when you turn it off.

8. Exploding cake. Go the birthday party, which is a couple of doors down from the "chocolate" vendor. When you approach the cake it will show you the location of some dynamite. Fetch the dynamite and return to the cake. Then, back up, following the red wire to the plunger and press cn_X.

9. Drive in Saturday. Go to the drive in and hop up to the projector and kick, lick, whatever you want to it.

10, Buried games. There is a vault on a hill in between the railroad tracks and the road. Get a drill and drill it twice. Fall down in the hole and lick the disc. The hard part is getting out of the hole. I used the anti gravity mutator and jumped up and out. Go to the pirate ship. On the main deck is a cabin you can go in. After it takes the disc from you the ship will SLOWLY move away. Just stay on the ship until you appear on the moon. If you haven't gotten the moon achievement yet you will get it here.

11. Prison Break: The Dev. Over by where the canisters for the hot air balloon was, there is a Drillicopter. Go pick it up then head to the police station. Lick the dev and then drag him to the golden goat in the casino.

Edit 12/9: As reported by many in comments this can be one of the glitchier missions. You may have to do several things in order to get this one to actually work. This includes, but is not limited to respawning or restarting if the dev disappears or gets stuck somewhere. I retried this and had him get stuck while entering the casino forcing me to go back to the baaa machine and choosing the mission again. Even though I had the drillicopter attached it allowed me to go back and get it again and the dev was back in the jail area. If you are having issues please read the comments for other ideas. Thanks for all that have posted replies.

12. Space Cow. Out by the start area is a fenced in bunch of cows. Lick one then drag them over to the building that you are shown. It is just below the casino so I went to the backside of the casino and jumped over to the building that was needed dragging the cow with me. Set the cow in the middle and it should get sucked up into the space ship.

13. The Godmother. Grab a drill. Go to the casino. Just past the slots inside is a passage that will take you behind the stage to your left of up some stairs to the right. Go up the stairs. In this room is a rotating red beam. If you can make it to your left to another room there is a vault inside. Drill the vault and inside you will find the Godmother.

Your achievement should pop when you have completed all of these quests.
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07 Dec 2016 17:13

14 Comments
The Dev in 11 can be glitchy. If he isn't there, make sure the area in the prison is clear (there was a buggy there in my game), and select the quest again from the terminal.
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By Fuzzmeister J on 08 Dec 2016 03:26
I lost the DEV for a bit restarted it from the title screen and it still showed that I had to take him to the casino I ignored that and just pretty much started that quest over and he showed back up after you get that pick up (not to sure what it is)
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By danny226k on 08 Dec 2016 22:49
For 11, I picked up the Dev by licking him and it would not unlock, it worked when I headbutted him and used the drillicoper to fly to the casino, hope that helps others.
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By Hanrec2 on 09 Dec 2016 00:08
Excellent comments again Jay.

One other location for the drills is across the street from the bank in the front window of the drill store. Break the glass and there are several drills there. Also, if you want, you can always just restart instead of respawning this did not reset the quests I already completed but it did reset all of those items in their original locations.

The anti gravity mutator was one of the ones you get from doing the mmo dlc achievements.

I want to say that immediately after I got this achievement I received several messages asking how to do it so I pounded out the basics just to help people out. That being said, any and all comments on the specifics like Jay pointed out here can't do anything but help people even more!!
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By PhatDaemien on 10 Dec 2016 05:02
Gotta be all in one run?
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By Lavindathar on 10 Dec 2016 10:22
No, Lavindathar, you can do it in multiple playthroughs. It seems so anyway. I started over three or four times to replenish the drills, and the quests complete seemed to remember all the time.
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By Dwaggienite on 10 Dec 2016 16:00
Great guide but you don't need to do them in order. I didn't and it popped.
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By Bernman 117 on 10 Dec 2016 16:18
Yeah, I didn't do them in order and I also didn't do them all from the Baaa machine. Knowing where several of them were from having done them on the 360 the day before as I went through the rounds of trophy collecting I did several of them out of order and without selecting them from the machine. I also restarted and respawned several times without it forgetting what I had already done. It seems the memory for the quests completed is one of the few things that isn't too glitchy. laugh
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By PhatDaemien on 10 Dec 2016 16:55
So on 11 I can't pick up the drillicopter. I have tried respawning, restarting and it still wont work. Am I doing anything wrong or should I just start a new game because I'm stuck...

Update: I tried restarting and respawning but I had no luck until I keep licking the drillcoper over and over and for some reason it finally worked and I could proceeded with the mission. Either way it is very glitchy and I hope no one runs into any issues like we all did.
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By Burburnator88 on 17 Dec 2016 05:29
I could not get drill copter then I un- equipped the rocket launcher and then it gave me the drill copter. Also use Y to use drill copter! Hope this helps othersdance
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By IRL Games X on 17 Jan 2020 19:48
for the drill copter you just need to walk in to it, not lick it.

btw I found your solution perfect. Everything I needed and no more detail than necessary.
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By TheOnlyMatto on 25 Dec 2020 09:42
They gotta be done in one setting?
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By A 0 UB3RLOZ3R on 11 Jul 2021 22:44
I found this guide to be confusing and sort of half-assed, especially when the descriptions are very vague, and it doesn't give locations to key items (like the drill!). It doesn't seem like the author is updating it regularly either, with info from the comments. The steam guide is WAY better: https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=60689...
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By Eric From Cali on 12 May 2017 17:27
Great guide, easy to read!

I had just a few issues so I'm commenting for anyone who has the same problems. This game can be very annoying when you wanna get your achievements done!

For the drills in "2. Drill for Cheese" the first drill is shown and across the road, the 2nd drill is behind the security building and the 3rd is directly opposite the kitty shelter which is across the road and down the train tracks a bit. At the end of that city-block on your right you should see a "KITTY LAND LOVE CENTER" sign. If you are standing on the tracks go through the opening in the fence and it's right in front of you next to a shop with lots of lights, which is opposite the Kitty place. That's also where you do the "Catastrophe" mission.

Another drill is behind the burger joint in the bushes for "Buried Games" and a 5th is across the road from this for "The Godmother". It's just outside the door to Last Resort Resorts next to the walled road going uphill! Across the road from the burger place! Another drill can be found by following the pipe that comes out of the roof of the burger joint.

Also with Buried Games you said you used the Anti-Grav mutator but didn't explain where it comes from. I don't have it. Been a long time since I played the game so I have no idea if I had it and lost it or what, I'm sure there are many people in that situation. To get up I used the dolphin and wheeled up the wall but once on the roof you have to press backwards not forwards and then swap back when you get on the wall again to go up. It's also almost impossible to pick up the Sanctum3 disc with the dolphin but I did manage it eventually.

Thankfully with 11 I had no problems but I just wanted to mention you don't need to lick the Dev just walk into him while you have the drillicopter on and he will become the rotors for the drillicopter. Then fly to the top left building on the map and land walk in and up to the goat.

I also used the drillicopter for the cow mission. Don't lick the cow just walk into it and then fly back to the building below the casino. It's much easier to move NPCs (including cows) around this way whereas licking can get painful and things get stuck all over. When you are on the alien landing pad or whatever, don't jump or the cow will fly away, just wait there with the cow attached and it will still get sucked up.

Lastly you don't need to actually activate any of the quests from the BAAA terminal if you don't want to they still count and activate when you get to the right place to start the mission.

Sorry for the long comment!
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By JayD101 on 10 Dec 2016 04:06
View all 14 comments Show less comments
I would usually post a text guide with all of my video guides but this time PhatDaemien has already published a brilliant text guide credit to him, if you would like a text guide give his a read if you would like a video guide I will leave mine below

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29 Dec 2016 14:31

2 Comments
Fantastic video, thank you. And god dam, them cats are annoying!!!!
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By WOODY2211 on 01 May 2017 19:00
Took a few minutes to pop but did eventually.
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By Carbonitex on 21 Dec 2023 23:53
The guide above is great but I prefer visual guides and this link is from steam . So who ever posted the guide should get all the credit. https://steamcommunity.com/sharedfiles/filedetails/?id=60689...
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09 Dec 2016 15:40

1 Comment
Thanks for the link, I much prefer a guide with images as it makes life a hell of a lot easier. +1 from me.
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By Jamiereloaded23 on 13 Jan 2017 09:45

For this achievement you need to complete all 13 pranks which are found by accessing any BAAA machine. These can be completed in any order. Refer to the video playlist if you are having difficulty with any of them.

The pranks are:

  1. Chocolate Factory
  2. Drill for Cheese
  3. Mess with the police
  4. Cops and robbers
  5. Flippin Burgs
  6. Make cops fly
  7. Catastrophe
  8. Exploding cake
  9. Drive in Saturday
  10. Buried games
  11. Prison Break: The Dev
  12. Space Cow
  13. The Godmother

Thanks to Adam Grammer for this playlist:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLjYy_11XkXdzQuYPovlo_Iy7nYEWa1X3y

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To get the trophy you need to complete all 13 jokes, you can choose them at ATMs.
But sometimes the trophy can glitch and pop out after a couple of executed jokes.
Here's the full video with all the jokes.
  • Goat Simulator - Retirement (Trophy & Achievement Guide) [PS4/Xbox One] DLC #3 "Payday"
    • In the description under the video, there is a time code for each task.
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    19 Dec 2016 13:17

    1 Comment
    You can turn off the game between missions.
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    By alexey310398 on 11 Apr 2020 19:26
    if the game glitches in a place where the lasers are spinning, then take a flamingo, he will fly through the lasers
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    03 Feb 2017 16:42