Hail to the Chimp

Welcome to hell!

If you’ve played this game, you’re well aware of how brutal this achievement is going to be. If you haven’t played the game the yet, you’ll find out quickly. Before we get to tips and strategies, there is an important thing you need to be aware of first.

It is unknown if this achievement can be unlocked after losing a primary. The game does not save to a file on the hard drive, but instead to your profile. It’s possible that once the game records a loss you are forever screwed out of this achievement. So if you’ve already lost a primary at some point and want to be the guinea pig to see if this will pop, do so at your own risk. I can’t guarantee the achievement will unlock. If you haven’t played the game yet, you can avoid this problem by simply signing out of your profile, dashboarding, ejecting the disc, or shutting off the Xbox before it saves. When a primary ends, the winning character will celebrate for a few seconds, followed by a loading screen, and then the results screen. It’s at the results screen where it saves. You must exit the game before this point, and you have about a 10 second window to do it, so be on top of it! Signing out is the fastest option.

With that out of the way, on to the meat of the guide.

Team Ups:
Team ups are very important to succeeding in this game. A team up is when two characters partner together to unleash powerful attacks against their opponents. The only way to be killed during a team up is to fall off the map. If the other 2 characters team up, they can stop your team up by attacking you first. Any clams collected or objectives completed during a team up applies to both characters in the team up, so do NOT team up with characters ahead of you! You’re just going to help them win. There are many different team up combinations that are better or worse for certain game types. Practice and experience will teach you which ones to take advantage of. A good general strategy for this game is to team up early on, get a big lead against the other 2 characters, and then try to team up with one of those characters to bury your previous team up partner.

Characters:
There are 10 characters in this game. Each one has a “rival” character that is in the same class as them and will have similar attacks, team ups, and speed. The pairings are:
Santo/Daisy
Crackers/Bean
Toshiro/Murgatroyd
Floyd/Moxie
Ptolomey/Hedwig

Characters teaming up with their rival will have a special team up that only they have. For example, Toshiro and Murgatroyd teaming up will be a special team up that only they have access to. Crackers and Bean teaming up with either Toshiro or Murgatroyd will have identical team ups. Smaller characters also run faster, so Daisy and Santo will run much faster then Ptolomey and Hedwig. The bigger characters hit harder. They won’t kill you any faster, but they’ll knock you further back then smaller characters.

Curses:
On the map you’ll find power-up cards called curses. When you pick these up and hit an opponent, they will be afflicted with a temporary handicap. Only one curse will spawn at a time and they respawn when the previous one is used up. The curses are:

Spring – This puts your character in a spring, where they can only move by jumping. Hinders movement, otherwise not that effective
Bee – The bee will slowly drain your clams. You can still pick up clams. Very useful for game types where collecting lots of clams is important.
Skunk – The skunk prevents you from picking up any additional clams. Unlike the bee, it won’t drain your clams. Useful for the same situations as the bee.
Ice – This puts you in a block of ice, making you move slower and preventing you from jumping.
Balloon – This turns your character’s head into a balloon, causing them to float high into the sky. A minor annoyance, mostly useless.
Coil – This pink coil (it looks like a dildo to be honest, but we’ll go with coil) will put a weird helmet on your character’s head which will make you teleport around the map at random. This one is extremely annoying and you should always grab it when it spawns so that you don’t get stuck with it.
Bomb – This puts a bomb on your character, which will detonate in 5 seconds and instantly kill you and anyone else caught in the blast. Very handy, especially on elimination game types like Political Minefield and Stench of Corruption.

Objectives:
Each game type has a different objective and this alone should be the focus. The AI is not smart, just really cheap. They will often not prioritize the objective and instead insist on killing each other for clams. If you see them distracted with each other, take advantage of it! Do your best to avoid engaging directly with them in a straight up fight. It’s not much of a problem in the early primaries, but later on you will almost always lose. Be wary of the AI asking for team ups. Learn each characters team up ques, they have different phrases they will shout when looking for a team up. Again, the AI is really dumb at times. You will often see 2 characters standing right next to each other asking for a team up and are unable to do so. You need to seize that opportunity and steal the team up. Be especially aware of this when you’re close to winning, as they AI can and WILL continuously team up and steal the win from you. They are brutally cheap.

Game types:
Here I will provide general tips for each game type. Please be aware that not every strategy is going to be optimal all the time. Some of these are down to pure luck. Sometimes the AI will just slap you around the map constantly and prevent you from doing anything. You’re going to have to do a lot of improvising to win, so stay focused and remember it’s not over until you actually win. I can’t count how many times I thought I had a sure win and the AI stole it from me.

Front Runner:
One of the easier game types. The objective is to be the front runner for a combined total of 2 mins. The front runner is the character currently holding the most clams. They key to winning this is to learn where the clams spawn on the map and hanging around there. Collect a bunch of clams and then run the perimeter of the map, avoiding the other players at all costs. Most of the time they’ll be too busy killing each other to chase you. Only go for team ups if you’re in the lead.

Tally Rally:
This one is frustrating. The objective is to collect sets of clams from 1 to 10. For example, set 1 is 1 clam, set 2 is 2 clams, set 3 is 3 clams, and so on all the way to 10. Once a set is completed, you cannot fall back to a previous set, even after getting killed. Team ups are huge here, but be careful with who you team up. If they’re ahead you might just hand them the win. This one is very luck driven and the only other thing you can really do besides spam team ups is to hang around where the clams spawn and pick em up as you go. Also try and hang outside the characters fighting and pick up stray clams that get knocked around.

Stuff the Ballot:
Easy. You only encounter this on the early challenges. You have to gather clams and deposit them in your color box. You need 75 total to win. All you have to do here is hang around where the clams spawn, pick a bunch up, and run them over to your box. Avoid combat when possible, but get team ups when possible. The AI can bury you here with a good team up.

Political Minefield:
Another easy one, but can easily go wrong too. This is an elimination game type. Once you die you’re out. The best strategy here is to immediately team up with whoever will take it. Use that team up to kill the other 2 opponents and then finish off your team up partner by punching them off the map. The initial team up will end as soon as the other 2 die, so try and avoid ending it right on the edge of the map. The AI will most likely get the first hit and send you flying off the map if you’re too close to the edge. Also be aware of the bomb curse, this is really important on this game type. The bomb will automatically kill anyone you put it on, so if it spawns on the map it should be your top priority.

Stench of Corruption:
Another elimination game type. Follow the same strategy as Political Minefield.

Hack the Vote:
By far the easiest game type. I never lost this, so rejoice when this comes up. The goal here is to destroy the voting machine that spawns on the map 10 times to win. The AI are really dumb here, they will often fight each other for clams, which are completely useless on this game type, and ignore the voting machine. You shouldn’t have any problems here.

Mud Slingers
Kind of annoying, but it doesn’t come up often. Each character here has a cardboard cut out of themselves, where other characters can throw clams on them to splash mud on the cut out. Each character starts at 100% and is eliminated when they reach 0%. Each clam is 1% off the total. For some dumb reason, you can still play when eliminated, so be very careful of the vengeful AI when they get knocked out. The key to this is to keep a close eye on the percentages. Also prioritize the guy in first or the guy in second if you’re winning. If you see an AI character throwing clams on another AI character, let them. Only stop them if it’s you they’re after. If there are no clams on the map to collect, stand by your cut out and defend it. Abuse team ups when possible, they can make or break this game type.

Yard Signs:
This one is pure bullshit. The objective is to capture more yard signs then anyone else. They typically spawn in intervals of 2 or 3 at a time. Each sign is up for grabs for a set amount of time before they lock in to the character currently holding it. This means that you can hold a sign for 99% of the tme, but if one of the others comes up and claims it at the last second, which trust me WILL happen, they get the point. There is little to nothing you can do to control your destiny here, it’s mostly down to luck. The best advice I can offer is to acknowledge that you will NOT get all the signs available, so don’t just mindlessly throw yourself at the signs where the other characters are hanging out. They’ll just kill you and take the sign. Pick a sign and defend it, let the others go. Sometimes you can defend 2 signs that are close to each other, that’s where you can win this thing. Only team up with characters below you in score. Thankfully, you won’t play this one often.

A Clam in Every Pot
This is a nightmare and will most likely be your worst enemy. The goal is to claim pots on the map and accumulate time on the clock. You need 6 mins to win, and each pot is worth 1 second the clock. So 4 pots will equal 4 in game seconds for every real life 1 second. The AI are stupidly good at this one. You’re going to lose this a lot. Each map has the same basic layout, there are usually 4 perimeter pots in the corners of the map, followed by 2 or 3 in the middle. The key is to control the perimeter pots, let the AI duke it out with each other over the middle pots. The middle pots will change hands so often that they don’t really matter. Team ups are crucial to this. With a good team up, you can potentially control every pot on the map and bury your opponents. Don’t forget that they can and will do the same to you. Most of the time you’ll lose this before you can even figure out what happened.

Benefactor:
Another easier one. You have to give away 100 total clams to your opponents. The key to this is to apply the divide and conquer strategy. Team up right away like Political Minefield and beat up the other 2 as much as possible and accumulate clams. When the team up ends, dump your clams on your team up partner. They will do the same, so you’ll both be tied. Team up with someone else and bury your former partner to get a big lead. Rinse and repeat. I rarely lost this one with this strategy. You won’t see this at all in the recounts, so if you suck at it don’t stress too much.

Run the Numbers
Similar to Tally Rally, but less annoying. You have to collect numbered clams from 1 to 10. You can only pick up clams that are 1 higher, equal to, or lower than your current number. So if you have a 4 you can pick up numbers 1 through 5, but not 6. The key to this is to grab as many clams as possible at the start, then just spam team ups. Gang up on whoever has the highest number. STAY ALIVE! If you die, you have to restart at 1. If you die towards the end when the 8s 9s and finally the 10s start spawning, you can forget about it. So avoid combat and abuse team ups.

Flip Floppers:
Just as dumb as Yard Signs. You have to capture campaign buttons on the map similar to yard signs, but you need to put 10 clams into each button to claim it. There’s not much advice I can give here. The best tip I can offer is to gather as many clams as possible and then head to a button to claim it. As soon as you start depositing clams the AI will run over to kill you. Don’t just do 1 or 2 at a time, wait until you have at least 5 before going to a button. Don’t spread your clams too thin, focus on 1 button at a time. There’s also a really annoying mechanic to this mode where taking a button will flip other buttons in that row or adjacent buttons to that character. In other words, you can have 5 buttons, but if the AI grabs the right one, he can take 2 of yours away and give those to himself for a +3 gain. I could never figure out what the rationale behind this was, so expect to get royally screwed here fairly often.

Photo Op:
This one is strange, it’s luck based but somehow one of the easier ones. The goal here is to follow a bunch of rats around called the paparatzi (HUR HUR HUR HAIL TO THE CHIMP!) until they take a picture of you. You must be standing in the pack of rats to get credit. Just follow the rats and hopefully the AI isn’t nearby when they take a picture. The AI are dumb on this one, they will fight each other for clams which don’t matter or sometimes be standing in the rats and leave right before the picture gets taken for whatever reason. Only team up with people below you in score because you only need 5 pictures to win. Team ups are really good here because you can get a guaranteed picture during certain team ups.

Fund Racer:
Another easier one. You have to collect 10 clams and then run to the cats placed on the map to get donation money. You get $55,000 per visit and you need $1 million to win, so that’s 19 visits to win. Most of the time you can collect your clams and run the perimeter making 4 -5 visits before the AI bothers to chase you, so an early lead is likely. After this, team up and rack up more money. I rarely lost this.

Character Assassin:
Easy or hard depending on the character you play as and the map. You have to score 10 kills while holding the big yellow evil clam. When holding the clam, every hit is a 1 hit kill, so you can rack up kills rather quickly. Also, the evil clam eats the clams you’re currently holding until it’s depleted your supply, which will cause you to drop the evil clam. Try and gather a decent supply of clams before going for the evil clam so that you can hold it for a while. Try and attack other characters from the side or behind so that they have a harder time blocking. Big fat slow characters are at a disadvantage here because the faster characters can chase them down and kill them easier. If you’re running from the one holding the evil clam, kill yourself by jumping off the map to prevent them from getting a kill. Another good trick is to leave the evil clam on the ground until enemies get closer, then pick it up for a quick kill or 2.

Negative Clam Pain:
Another easy game type (and cheesy play on words). Similar to fund racer, but you have to hold the evil clam to visit the newsstands. Apply the same strategies here as you did for fund racer.

That’s all I have to offer for this achievement. If you’re going for this achievement, good luck, because this is really going to test your patience.

This is more of a very helpful tip that the "blatant hacker" has to offer. A clam in every pot is very difficult, as IXI Falcon said, it is true, but I figured out a way to increase the likelihood of success, here is how. WHen the game starts, like Falcon said, try to control the perimeter pots, but if you team up and claim a pot, both of you can claim it at once. What I did was when the team up ended and we claimed the ballet boxes, I then reclaimed them all and rinsed and repeated with each opponent, a divide and conquer method I figured works in all events, not just benefactor. It is not always guaranteed to work, but I was able to breeze through the Bean and Hedwig challenges first try. I wouldn't have even needed a usb if I built more on this method. It worked for me 85% of the time in the crackers challenge, too. That is pretty damn good if you have actually gotten to it and played it, you should know what I am talking about. The recounts, I have tested on my primary(no pun intended) account, and it also works in recounts a majority of the time. And for mergatoyde, a silent majority. And that is when I played for 35 plus hours on my other account, that I tested it. All you need is patience and a positive attitude. And thanks to IXI Falcon for a great guide, I followed it many times. Oh, and, I was able to toy with opponents in Crackers' challenge with this method. It is still a difficult achievement, but this method should loosen up some stress. Or at least it did for me. I may make a video to prove my point, as I may look like a un-legite novice. I know lots that this game has to hold.

And as for Yard signs, the signs sway a little faster before they become planted, so use that idea to capture as many as possible right when they start to move faster.

And then there is character assassin, a pain in the, well we can ramble off many unprintable words. IXI did a good job of explaining that, except don't forget to block right when an opponent grabs the Dirty Trickster, or "Nate Baresky Clam". IF you don't block, you will be killed and the ai will continue to score and bury you.